Now every morning there’s a cup of coffee and I wear your ring

May 13th is my wedding anniversary. Mr and I have been married for SIX YEARS. Tonight, Mommom and Boppy watched B for a couple of hours so we could go out to dinner, and reflect on the state of our (mostly) successful union.

I jokingly list all the reasons why I love my husband, but honestly? Here’s what I know after six years of marriage.

  • It shouldn’t be hard. Relationships are work, certainly. You have to learn to be thoughtful and patient. You have to learn to make decisions together. Passion is great, but it’s not the same thing as drama – don’t confuse the two. I love my space, but I enjoy it more with him in it. I knew he was the man for me when I realized that being with him was just as restful as being alone.
  • It’s about respect. Our marriage is a partnership, and we each have an equal stake in its success.  My husband is my number one fan. While I can be introverted and modest, he will take center stage to extol my virtues. According to my husband, I’m smart, I’m tough, and I’m a great mom. (I’m also alarmingly clumsy and kind of a slob, but I’ve made peace with that.)  Because we respect each other, we’ve survived the last year with me as the breadwinner and him as the stay-at-home dad and full-time grad student. I don’t think less of my husband because he doesn’t go to an office every day. In fact, his day job is far tougher than mine.
  • Sometimes it will suck. I always love my husband. Sometimes, though, I don’t particularly like him – but he will tell you the same thing about me. There are days when we both get up on the wrong side of the bed, when work is stressful, or school is hard, or B has worn us down to little nubs, when we can barely stand each other. But it always passes.

I used to hate the idea of marriage. I still don’t think it’s for everyone. (Or rather, it should be available to everyone, but not everyone is suited to the institution.) For a long time, I didn’t think it was for me, but (you heard it here first), I was so wrong.

Happy Anniversary.

ANNIVERSARY SONG
Cowboy Junkies
(lyrics by Michael Timmins)

Have you ever seen a sight as beautiful
as that of the rain-soaked purple
of the white birch in spring?

Have you ever felt more fresh or wonderful
than on a warm fall night
under a Mackerel sky,
the smell of grapes on the wind?

Well I have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
And I’ll share them all for a cup of coffee
and to wear your ring

Have you ever had the pleasure of watching
a quiet winter’s snow slowly gathering
like simple moments adding up?

Have you ever satisfied a gut feeling
to follow a dry dirt road that’s beckoning you
to the heart of a shimmering summer’s day?

Well I have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
And I’ll share them all for a cup of coffee
and to wear your ring

And I don’t know how I survived those days
before I held your hand
Well I never thought that I would be the one
to admit that the moon and the sun
shine so much more brighter when
seen through two pairs of eyes than
when seen through just one

Have you ever seen a sight as beautiful
as a face in a crowd of people
that lights up just for you?

Have you ever felt more fresh or wonderful
as when you wake
by the side of that boy or girl
who has pledged their love to you?

Well I have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
And now every morning there’s a cup of coffee
and I wear your ring

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